Love and History

https://www.facebook.com/saragroves/videos/10153325403015598/

I was watching this video today and it 1:44 I just lost it. (sorry for the link, but I'm not to blog savvy) when my children were just a little younger, not so long ago. We walked through some rough seasons together. Nothing horrible, just me learning to be a mom. You know, all that fun stretching and dying stuff ;). And of course throw in some very strong-willed girls. I would have watched a video like this and thought "we may never make it to have that kind of relationship." I have felt like I was failing more times that I can count. And spent many days wondering why I wasn't like all those other moms whom mothering came to so easily. But one day I realized something had changed. Every relationship changes and morphs as you grow together. So I wanted to write this as a reminder to myself and for anyone else who might need to hear it. Toddler years can be so rough, But don't discount the history that is being built.

            Love and History

When your children are firstborn there is this sort of unexplainable love it just consumes you. I want to say it's hormonal, but I don't want to reduce it to that. It's a love that is impossible to have ever known until you have children of your own. And it's mind blowing that you can love so fiercely someone you have never met, and have no history with.

Then, for me at least, after about 3-5 years that love morphs into something new. The old love isn't gone, but now you have a history. 

You've gone through Illnesses, frustrations, great highs, and great lows. You probably gone through seasons of feeling like all you do is sacrifice and wonder if you'll ever see re-ward.

  Even the worst of seasons always come with great moments and great victories. They aren't forgotten or even overshadowed but they are quickly stored away in your heart under a file called 'history'. 

You may be walking through life for years at times changing diapers, cooking meals, barely making it through the day and wondering what you even accomplished. If you're like me you probably repent a million times a day for ever thinking that moms were lazy or  undisciplined.

But then...

One day you look at them and you just melt. These wonderful little people who you have such an intense history with have absolutely stolen your heart. And it's not just the good moments that I've made your history rich, but it's the battles you've walked through together. 

It's the battle of the heart and the mind where you've come to realize your time spent with them is not just significant to them but to the world.

It's the battle for the inheritance and legacy that you want to leave to future generations.

It's the battles  you've fought for their health and their attitudes. Teaching them how to manage their emotions, and express them appropriately.

It's the battle you fought for them to always know how deeply you love them even when you're frustrated with them.

It's the battle you're continually fighting for them to know the Father's heart, and to always teach them His ways.

One day I hope my children look back and don't just see a mother who showered them with love and affection every day, but a mother who went to war for them. And even though it may have felt at times that I was at war with them I hope and pray they see a treasure in the history too.

I am so thrilled that I get to spend a lifetime knowing and loving these 3 incredible little women so intimately and deeply. And I love knowing that our days spent together, though most are mundane, will have ripple effects throughout history.

God laughs

A few nights ago around 2 am I was awoken by a blood curdling scream that sent me from a deep sleep to Z's side in a matter of seconds. She's had nightmares before but never anything that had her screaming like that. We prayed together and I got a shower ready for her while I changed her sheets. She had wet the bed, which she never does. 

After her shower we were talking and I let her know that any time she is scared she can always ask Jesus,

"Where are you and what are you doing?"

 So we decided to practice together. She closed her eyes and I told her to look around her room in her mind until she knew where Jesus was. It took a few minutes to get her to focus. First she saw the ninja turtles, then penguins, but then she saw Him. He was in the corner. So we closed our eyes again to find out what he was doing. Immediately she began to giggle uncontrollably and yelled out "He's laughing!".

And like a flash of lightning I had a download of information straight from the Father to my heart. And I heard these words, 

"I am never laughing at you, but my laugh is for you."

Psalms 2:4 “He Who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord has them in derision [and in supreme contempt He mocks them].”

It's suddenly dawned on me that I have a hard time with the image of Jesus laughing. It's not that I have a problem with it theologically or anything, it's just not a part of Him that I've really had an encounter with. He's always been a Comforter or a Father, far more serious than just a friend to laugh with.  

But my child now has a revelation of a God who is always near and laughs in the face of fear. And fear cannot stand in the presence of the Joy of the Lord. He goes to war for us with laughter. And because of my daughter I hear His laugh too. 

Raelynn Joy Uunila-birth story

Born May 7th 2015 around 9:35pm. She was 8lbs 12oz (I think 😬 I'll have to double check that) and 21inches long.

I decided to have Raelynn at home. I had my first two at a birthing center, and I had always wanted a homebirth. Erik and I had decided that since my first two births were healthy we felt comfortable doing a homebirth. I was 8 days overdue with Zion, and 9 days overdue with Sophia. So I expected to be overdue again, though I still got my hopes really high that I would go into labor early. Of course week 39 rolled around and nothing but a bunch of Braxton Hicks contractions were happening.

Then both girls got strep throat.

We got anabiotic's and got over that.

Then I got the worst chest cold I've ever had in my life! I sounded like I was trying to hack up a lung 24/7.

When I was about three days overdue I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee, I went pee and stood up to wash my hands and started having a coughing spell and "water" went everywhere. So I cleaned up, and went and laid down and my contractions started around 2 AM with just enough pain that I couldn't sleep, but weren't getting any closer together. So in the morning I called my midwives to see if they could come by and check me to see how far along I was since my water had broken. We made phone calls, and sent text to family letting them know my water had broken and we would probably have a baby in the next 24 hours. I believe around 10 AM my contractions stopped. I was so frustrated! My midwives decided to come later in the afternoon. So I went for a walk around the neighborhood trying to get contractions going again. After a couple hours they started again. Again with enough intensity to be painful but still not getting closer together.

My midwives were headed over in the afternoon, so I called my mom and sister and tell them to go ahead and head over because this was it. Everyone got here around the same time ready to meet a baby. My midwives checked to make sure my water had broken as I had thought the night before. Turns out I had just peed all over myself!!

Hahaha!

And once again my contractions stopped. My midwives let me know I was only dilated to a 2. They let me know that they've seen this happen so many times with people that are really sick. Their body is ready to go into labor and labor will start but then keep stopping because they need rest. So the doctors orders were to see if my parents could take the kids for the next few days. Take the anabiotic that I've been refusing to take. And get in bed and try to sleep as much as possible. I was also told I could drink a glass of red wine to help me sleep.

So my sister and mom left and took my kids, I went and got my anabiotic and some red wine and went to bed for the rest of the day. I had no more contractions until about 2 am again the next morning. It was the same pattern they continued until midmorning, then stopped. 

My midwives were so sweet and came out again to check me. This time I was dilated to a four. But again everything had stopped. They had advised me to try to get some more rest. And try to encourage me that once things really got go in that I would probably give birth quickly.

So once again everyone left and I decided to have a nice warm bath drink an extra big glass of red wine and take a sleeping pill. Don't judge! 😂

And of course after I got in bed with all that lovely stuff in my system my contractions started again. I think I was able to get about 30 minutes to an hour of sleep before I just couldn't stand it anymore. So I got up and decided to start cleaning since the kids were gone. By this point I think it was around 4 or 5 in the afternoon. I noticed my contractions had a little bit more intensity but still weren't getting any closer together. So I just kept cleaning and eventually let Eric know we might be having a baby that night or the next day. 

Around 6 pm Erik came out of his office and my contractions were pretty intense but weren't any closer together. He could tell that I was in active labor, but I still wasn't ready to admit it. I just didn't want to get my hopes up again. Finally after a really hard contraction I agreed that this was it.

And let him know I should eat something before labor really got intense. I wanted steak and Caesar salad. Erik ran down the street to the store and cooked the steak within about 15 minutes. He put that beautiful steak on my plate and cut off the first bite for me and I took one look at it and told him I couldn't eat. I felt so bad, but in that short amount of time I had hit transition and didn't even know it.

Thank God for a husband that recognizes transition though :-). Erik kept insisting that we should go ahead and start filling up the birthing pool. I kept telling him no because I thought I'd be in labor for so many more hours and didn't want the water to get cold. Thankfully he made the executive decision and went ahead and started feeling it. When it was only about halfway full I came in the room and let him know I needed to get in. I jumped in the pool and those deep transitional groans began.

I remember feeling so bad calling my mom and the midwives and asking them to come over. I thought for sure that I hadn't progressed but I really just wanted more support there with me. Within 30 minutes my midwives, my mom, and my sister had all showed up. It's funny how on the outside I totally would have known I was in transition. But when you're the one going through it you kind of feel crazy. I was letting out these deep painful groans and as soon as my mom and midwives walked in the room they knew I was about to have a baby. I was in my own little world.

My midwives wouldn't check me unless I asked them to. And I didn't want anybody touching me with a 10 foot pole unless it was for comfort :-). With my last two I always progressed to about an 8 and then I would stall out until my water broke, so I expected the same. My water hadn't broken so I figured I was probably going to be stuck until my water broke.

About an hour and a half or so after everyone had gotten there I remember getting on my hands and knees, and in my head I swear I thought I was screaming, but on the video I'm silent. I decided to go ahead and get a little practice push and see if anything happened or if I could break my water. I remember giving a little push and feeling something weird come out. I had on a skirt so no one could see anything and it was dark in the room. I reach down and felt that I had pushed out her head and the reason it felt weird was because she was still in the sack! I gave it one more good push and she came right out and her little butt floated straight up to the top of the water. As soon as I grabbed her the water sack broke and all the gasps of amazement and shock started.  No one had a clue that I was pushing her out. She came into this world so peacefully and let let out one little cry and that was it. It was so fitting for her personality, since that day she has been the most peaceful, calm and happy baby and such a joy to be around!