I was watching this video today and it 1:44 I just lost it. (sorry for the link, but I'm not to blog savvy) when my children were just a little younger, not so long ago. We walked through some rough seasons together. Nothing horrible, just me learning to be a mom. You know, all that fun stretching and dying stuff ;). And of course throw in some very strong-willed girls. I would have watched a video like this and thought "we may never make it to have that kind of relationship." I have felt like I was failing more times that I can count. And spent many days wondering why I wasn't like all those other moms whom mothering came to so easily. But one day I realized something had changed. Every relationship changes and morphs as you grow together. So I wanted to write this as a reminder to myself and for anyone else who might need to hear it. Toddler years can be so rough, But don't discount the history that is being built.
Love and History
When your children are firstborn there is this sort of unexplainable love it just consumes you. I want to say it's hormonal, but I don't want to reduce it to that. It's a love that is impossible to have ever known until you have children of your own. And it's mind blowing that you can love so fiercely someone you have never met, and have no history with.
Then, for me at least, after about 3-5 years that love morphs into something new. The old love isn't gone, but now you have a history.
You've gone through Illnesses, frustrations, great highs, and great lows. You probably gone through seasons of feeling like all you do is sacrifice and wonder if you'll ever see re-ward.
Even the worst of seasons always come with great moments and great victories. They aren't forgotten or even overshadowed but they are quickly stored away in your heart under a file called 'history'.
You may be walking through life for years at times changing diapers, cooking meals, barely making it through the day and wondering what you even accomplished. If you're like me you probably repent a million times a day for ever thinking that moms were lazy or undisciplined.
One day you look at them and you just melt. These wonderful little people who you have such an intense history with have absolutely stolen your heart. And it's not just the good moments that I've made your history rich, but it's the battles you've walked through together.
It's the battle of the heart and the mind where you've come to realize your time spent with them is not just significant to them but to the world.
It's the battle for the inheritance and legacy that you want to leave to future generations.
It's the battles you've fought for their health and their attitudes. Teaching them how to manage their emotions, and express them appropriately.
It's the battle you fought for them to always know how deeply you love them even when you're frustrated with them.
It's the battle you're continually fighting for them to know the Father's heart, and to always teach them His ways.
One day I hope my children look back and don't just see a mother who showered them with love and affection every day, but a mother who went to war for them. And even though it may have felt at times that I was at war with them I hope and pray they see a treasure in the history too.
I am so thrilled that I get to spend a lifetime knowing and loving these 3 incredible little women so intimately and deeply. And I love knowing that our days spent together, though most are mundane, will have ripple effects throughout history.